Ilima Considine as Childhood Friends 2005​-​2008

by The Sexbots

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1.
I always knew it was supposed to be you but now you're so hard to talk to it's like living through the war but it used to be good it used to be good with you You act like you don't remember but I still do And you act like it never happened but it used to be good with you it used to be good it used to be good with you And when you say, "Okay," do you really mean it? And when you say, "Okay," do you just want me to stop talking? 'Cause it was always you it was always you but you act like you don't remember but I still do and you act like it never happened but it used to be good with you.
2.
Ask me for protection, ask me for love. Don't ask me to be cold to you- I could never do that to you. I could never do that to you. So I choke myself. I stop breathing. If it's friends or nothing, truthfully, I could never be that to you. I could never be that to you. If I said take me, take me, use me and discard me Wouldn't you say, been there and done it? And wouldn't that be just like you, just like you? I know the kind you love They put you down I should be harsh, should be that ice queen you adore Because the colder I am, the nicer you get. Still I can't do it for very long, I could never do that to you. I could never do that to you.
3.
The old man said, "There's lonesome trails ahead." I said, "I know but I won't always be alone." And everything, everything I know says it's time to leave to you but I don't know how to be by myself anymore and I don't know how to sleep by myself anymore but if I were to be here a year from now I'd have to tear my eyes from my head and be found later dead but I know, I know that I won't always be alone. I won't always be alone. I won't always be alone.
4.
I have an underwater castle it's the best place to drown I don't know a lot but no one likes to die alone everyone says the same thing to me right at the end "It's no good when baby's down." I have an underwater castle beneath the sea it's like a train station how the people come and go There are couches and blankets if you need to sleep. I don't mind, I get lonely too. I think you could be a good friend if you weren't so depressed. I think I could be a good wife, too, if you wanted me to But it's too late, it's too late It's no good when baby's down. It's no good when baby's down.
5.
6.
03:52
you could have stopped it if you wanted to you could have stopped it if you wanted to why don't you call me mrs. jack? why don't you call me mrs. ripper? all my life, all my love, everyone knows, everyone knows. it's a dirty thing. "so please, let's get this on the record. tell us about the shirt and the nights away." it's not a hunting trip, it's not a one-night stand bones picked clean, breasts still shining mice bit her fingers and you never thought of me and never thought of me and everyone knows and everyone knows and everyone knows why don't, why don't you call me mrs. jack why don't you call me mrs. ripper it's strange to me but now I know that's why you always said no to me you always said no to me it won't matter to anyone else, it won't matter to anyone else but each time, each body you've been deceiving me you've been deceiving me they found her bones in the forest laid crooked by the river you made it easy for me to know how easy it is for you to deceive me you could have stopped it if you wanted to you could have stopped it if you wanted to
7.
03:47
it's like pollen or memory and I almost said, it's not mine except it was like no one's home like hours and hours alone like years spent trying he said, it's time to stop he said, said, stop trying I saw her head on the dash and I thought, it's like we weren't thought I thought, it's like we were nowhere Someone should say, dear- someone should say, dear- someone's coming, dear someone's coming, dear but still, you never know but still, you never know but still, you never know but still, you never know
8.
03:39
it was not my intention it was not my design I never meant to do that to you it was not my intention it was not my design I never meant to leave you all alone it's been a long time it's been a long while but I still want you but I still want you but I still want you
9.
(I'm ready) I saw you there The same as before You were the same as before I didn't say it, but I saw it I didn't show it but I knew I'd rather lose teeth than love you again It would hurt less.
10.
02:58
Do you want to come with me to my secret beach? Do you want to follow me tonight? Do you want to play some games of trust and silence? But we're in love, nothing bad could happen to us. Oh, it's dark out. But it's going to get darker still by far. Oh, it's dark out, but it's going to get much darker soon. So are you scared? Are you getting scared yet? Do I have to walk you further down the rocks Do I have to turn you round again and again Do I have to push you down and kick you while you're there on the ground? Oh, it's dark out, but it's going to get darker still by far. I think you misplaced your trust. Oh well, it's the last time. You don't really want to ask those questions you don't really want to know why, or what happened last night Step higher, we're almost there Can you hear the water? The hum of the bridge, it's getting louder We're almost there, it's getting louder You were getting starry-eyed, I can't be starless for you. You were getting starry-eyed, I can't be starless for you. It's getting louder. It be over soon.
11.
02:26
I think they're coming to get you that tree has seen a lot of rope I think there'll be more tonight you should have started running yesterday and kept going you wouldn't yet be far enough away I think I'll go back inside he's just a child, he doesn't know why I stepped away inside myself I had seen it all years before when I opened the door there was blood on the walls and pieces of nothing on the floor close your eyes and it doesn't go away close your eyes and it doesn't go away I think they're coming to get you he's only a child! there's nothing I can do to help you it will happen whether or not I want it to they're coming to get you I think they're coming to get you
12.
05:28
(her name was Elena, and we were in love) I wouldn't say it was the worst thing that I ever saw but it was pretty bad down the darkened hallway the only light was the light beneath the door at the end of the hallway don't walk down that hallway don't open that door don't walk down that hallway don't open that door I can't look, is it over yet? I can't look, is it over yet? I can't look, is it over yet? I didn't know I could scream so loud you'd have thought that glass would break like people shatter at certain frequencies of thought or the amplitude of fear but the equation's awfully simple, two went in, one came out, that's all Nothing hurts till the next day I tripped on your purse and fell down the stairs the taxi driver saw the blood on my mouth and said, love shouldn't hurt love shouldn't hurt, and everything hurt until today I woke to springtime birds and my distant dream of you I could hear, I was still saying to you Don't walk down that hallway I could hear I was still saying to you Saying, Don't open that door then quieter, quietly, I'm right behind you, dear Right behind you, here Sometimes I wake up crying And I don't remember why Oh, there's too much space in this bed And I'll never wake up next to you again It would never happen to me again Don't do it! I should have made you swear, I should have made you believe me I should have made you swear, I should have made you believe me Don't do it! Don't- It would never happen to me again.
13.
03:34
It could have been Amsterdam or his hometown it could have been anywhere but it wasn't that first grey night he followed the neon sign and stepped inside and there she gave him one shy smile and stepped away and that was all it took and that was all it took he began to calculate, he began to memorize his excuses began to deviate from the path he'd chosen long ago and everything had had lost its value in his mind already it's going to cost you all you have the loving wife and the happy home you're going to lose it, lose it all because, because you want it don't even open your mouth to deny it can't you see I already know all about you since you walked in the door, I knew, I knew and you know, you know you want it from the first moment he saw her he was caught in the perfume and red lights now you might as well kill yourself to escape but even when you're dead there's no sleep no dreams no sleep no dreams your eyes don't see the scars the scared it's just red lights and skin and you know, you know you want it it's going to cost you everything you have but you'll never have it and what you get, you pay by the minute but still, but still you want it when you're tasting the dust of the dead when your memories have dissolved there's still longing for her and there's never answering there's no hope in death, no hope at all you're going to die, you're going to die I'm going to fucking kill you! I hate you- why don't you love me? Why don't you put a fucking gun in your mouth?
14.
The day the wolves came it was quiet for awhile And I don't want to talk about it It reminds me of the time I saw her heel in his lap and I knew I said stop, I don't want to know her name I don't want to know her name The day the wolves came it was quiet for awhile That winter was so hard remember how my teeth turned blue there was nothing for the children And then they were gone And I wish I didn't remember I wish I didn't know but there's no way to forget There is no way to forget The day the wolves came it was quiet for awhile I wish I didn't know but there's no way to forget there is no way to forget And they were gone
15.
It were a sad sight to see you there on the floor and myself beside you and the worst part of it was, you don't even remember you don't even remember, and I won't say it the first hot days this year recall last summer it was too hot to sleep but not too hot to sleep with you there was time without end and habits I couldn't break like loving you I said, I swear it's the last time I said, I swear it's the last time I said, I need another lover who'll keep me from you I said, I wish he'd die because I can't say no and it never ends and I was always saying, do you remember last night? do you remember last night? Well, do you? Do you? He looked out of the dream and said, "Trouble, it's been a long time." It's been a long time since anyone called me Trouble it's not been that long and someone said you were talking about me still saying, "Where's Trouble been? Who's she been with?" And they said watching you think was like a train wreck with no survivors and I said, there is less than nothing to worry about There is less than nothing to worry about. That summer there was no end to things going places I'd rather not be and people I was till I met you Things going bad and getting worse there was a piece of paper, all it said was, my life is starting to hurt. It's starting to hurt.
16.
04:05
And the ten day march through the ice fields searching for your hidden heart I'm snow blind but in my mind it's springtime in your garden like a flower bursting, I'm like flower bursting I found the snow-covered flags to your house broke the ice off the lock and opened the door the note on the table said, "Won't be back again." I guess it's already time to go home. I guess it's already time to go home. And the ten day march through the ice fields thinking about, something- how the time before you told me by getting worse every week but still I feel, daffodils and thorns waiting to unwind ---and light, springtime on my mind like a flower bursting I'm like a flower bursting like a flower bursting I'm like a flower bursting
17.
03:45
I heard they turned you away at the hospital and kept you away because you weren't married hush, that was a choice hush hush, well, that was a choice she said she cracked. she said she was afraid of you. when she called me, I wasn't sure if you knew I didn't know what could have happened, if I had, of course- I would you could have but you didn't. I didn't know, oh oh oh you could have but you didn't. I didn't know, oh oh oh oh no Five years, oh dear, five years five years, oh dear, five years almost as good though, is that a yes or a no? oh no, oh no oh oh oh no you could have but you didn't. I didn't know oh oh oh you could have but you didn't. she may have been a fool but you were something worse she may have been a fool but you were something worse what kind of woman does it take to make an honest man of you what kind of woman does it take to make an honest man of you you could have but you didn't. I didn't know, oh oh you could have but you didn't. I didn't know
18.
but darling, sweetness, if you'd cared, I'd have been there for sure I've been walking around without glasses I wear glasses most of the time, so when I don't wear glasses, it feels funny my sister took my glasses and my hat and walks around saying she's me and I catch myself reflected in the window with naked round eyes like a stranger in Paris like tarts I've known regardless of age or desperation, eyes wide and round like the first day of kindergarten if you'd card, I'd have been there for sure I know that no answer means no, but I keep asking a slow learning curve, I guess I already know I know that no answer means no, but I keep asking I already know I already know
19.
If heavens forsake us If heavens forsake us let God save your name there was no time my dear was taken pity, 'twas such a wee thing and sorry that my eyes still see and curse all of you here who still surround me there was no time I heard you almost died like an angel in flight I should have fallen from the sky armed and girt with light but all my fond dreams, ruptured and burst wide I've got a gun, sweet one, show me the way. I've got a gun, sweet one, lead the way.
20.
It's true, some things I did do Unnecessarily cruel. I never did them to you Yet it all comes back with quiet hopelessness You'll either kiss me or you won't. You'll either love me or you don't I shouldn't be here, alone and waiting for you. I should have known it was the specialty of the house such casual damage Causeless disasters were my fault. But toy with me or destroy me it's your choice play with me, just stay with me you- you're not saying it back you're not saying it back. I'd never have known I'd never have known late night discoveries I'd never have known it's like falling down the stairs again. I'd never have known. It's a hard drive through a long night It's a hard drive through a long night without stars Without stars Without you. Without you.

credits

released June 19, 2011

This is my first band with my ex-husband Jake Rose. We were together for three years and put out 3 Childhood Friends albums, one Enchanted Forest album(re-released as Childhood Friends), and had one baby- Leon Rose Considine.

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The Sexbots Portland, Oregon

Ilima Considine is a trans-disciplinary artist living in Portland, OR. In addition to performing under the nom de guerre The Sexbots, she plays violin, cello, and bass and does neoclassical soundtracks for film and modern dance companies. She is a single mom with 2 kids. ... more

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