Ilima Considine as Childhood Friends 2005​-​2008

by The Sexbots

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credits

released 19 June 2011

This is my first band with my ex-husband Jake Rose. We were together for three years and put out 3 Childhood Friends albums, one Enchanted Forest album(re-released as Childhood Friends), and had one baby- Leon Rose Considine.

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The Sexbots Portland, Oregon

Ilima Considine is a trans-disciplinary artist living in Portland, OR. In addition to performing under the nom de guerre The Sexbots, she plays violin, cello, and bass and does neoclassical soundtracks for film and modern dance companies. She is a single mom with 2 kids. ... more

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Track Name: Used to be good
I always knew
it was supposed to be you
but now you're so hard to talk to
it's like living through the war
but it used to be good
it used to be good with you

You act like you don't remember
but I still do
And you act like it never happened
but it used to be good with you
it used to be good
it used to be good with you

And when you say, "Okay,"
do you really mean it?
And when you say, "Okay,"
do you just want me to stop talking?

'Cause it was always you
it was always you
but you act like you don't remember
but I still do
and you
act like it never happened
but it used to be good with you.
Track Name: Never Do That to You
Ask me for protection, ask me for love.
Don't ask me to be cold to you- I could never do that to you.
I could never do that to you.

So I choke myself. I stop breathing.
If it's friends or nothing, truthfully,
I could never be that to you.
I could never be that to you.

If I said take me, take me, use me and discard me
Wouldn't you say, been there and done it?
And wouldn't that be just like you, just like you?

I know the kind you love
They put you down
I should be harsh, should be that ice queen you adore
Because the colder I am, the nicer you get.
Still I can't do it for very long, I could never do that to you.
I could never do that to you.
Track Name: Lonesome Trails
The old man said, "There's lonesome trails ahead."
I said, "I know but I won't always be alone."
And everything, everything I know
says it's time to leave to you
but I don't know how to be by myself anymore
and I don't know how to sleep by myself anymore
but if I were to be here a year from now
I'd have to tear my eyes from my head
and be found later dead
but I know, I know that I won't always be alone.
I won't always be alone.
I won't always be alone.
Track Name: Underwater Castle
I have an underwater castle
it's the best place to drown
I don't know a lot but no one likes to die alone
everyone says the same thing to me
right at the end
"It's no good when baby's down."

I have an underwater castle
beneath the sea
it's like a train station how the people come and go
There are couches and blankets if you need to sleep.
I don't mind, I get lonely too.

I think you could be a good friend
if you weren't so depressed.
I think I could be a good wife, too, if you wanted me to
But it's too late, it's too late
It's no good when baby's down.
It's no good when baby's down.
Track Name: mrs. jack
you could have stopped it if you wanted to
you could have stopped it if you wanted to
why don't you call me mrs. jack?
why don't you call me mrs. ripper?
all my life, all my love, everyone knows, everyone knows.
it's a dirty thing.

"so please, let's get this on the record.
tell us about the shirt and the nights away."

it's not a hunting trip, it's not a one-night stand
bones picked clean, breasts still shining
mice bit her fingers and you never thought of me
and never thought of me

and everyone knows and everyone knows and everyone knows
why don't, why don't you call me mrs. jack
why don't you call me mrs. ripper
it's strange to me but now I know
that's why you always said no to me
you always said no to me

it won't matter to anyone else, it won't matter to anyone else
but each time, each body
you've been deceiving me
you've been deceiving me

they found her bones in the forest laid crooked by the river
you made it easy for me to know
how easy it is for you to deceive me

you could have stopped it if you wanted to
you could have stopped it if you wanted to
Track Name: pollen
it's like pollen or memory
and I almost said, it's not mine
except it was
like no one's home
like hours and hours alone
like years spent trying

he said, it's time to stop
he said, said, stop trying

I saw her head on the dash and I thought,
it's like we weren't thought
I thought, it's like we were nowhere
Someone should say, dear-
someone should say, dear-
someone's coming, dear
someone's coming, dear

but still, you never know
but still, you never know
but still, you never know
but still, you never know
Track Name: Spy Song
it was not my intention
it was not my design
I never meant to do that to you

it was not my intention
it was not my design
I never meant to leave you all alone

it's been a long time
it's been a long while
but I still want you

but I still want you

but I still want you
Track Name: The Sorrows of Mary Magdalene
(I'm ready)
I saw you there
The same as before
You were the same as before
I didn't say it, but I saw it
I didn't show it but I knew
I'd rather lose teeth than love you again
It would hurt less.
Track Name: The Beach
Do you want to come with me to my secret beach?
Do you want to follow me tonight?
Do you want to play some games of trust and silence?
But we're in love, nothing bad could happen to us.

Oh, it's dark out. But it's going to get darker still by far.
Oh, it's dark out, but it's going to get much darker soon.
So are you scared? Are you getting scared yet?
Do I have to walk you further down the rocks
Do I have to turn you round again and again
Do I have to push you down and kick you while you're there on the ground?

Oh, it's dark out, but it's going to get darker still by far.
I think you misplaced your trust.
Oh well, it's the last time.
You don't really want to ask those questions
you don't really want to know why, or what happened last night
Step higher, we're almost there
Can you hear the water? The hum of the bridge, it's getting louder
We're almost there, it's getting louder
You were getting starry-eyed, I can't be starless for you.
You were getting starry-eyed, I can't be starless for you.
It's getting louder.
It be over soon.
Track Name: Lynch Mob
I think they're coming to get you
that tree has seen a lot of rope
I think there'll be more tonight
you should have started running yesterday and kept going
you wouldn't yet be far enough away

I think I'll go back inside
he's just a child, he doesn't know why

I stepped away inside myself
I had seen it all years before
when I opened the door there was blood on the walls
and pieces of nothing on the floor
close your eyes and it doesn't go away
close your eyes and it doesn't go away

I think they're coming to get you
he's only a child!
there's nothing I can do to help you
it will happen whether or not I want it to
they're coming to get you
I think they're coming to get you
Track Name: Hallway Song
(her name was Elena, and we were in love)
I wouldn't say it was the worst thing that I ever saw
but it was pretty bad
down the darkened hallway
the only light was the light beneath the door at the end of the hallway
don't walk down that hallway
don't open that door
don't walk down that hallway
don't open that door
I can't look, is it over yet?
I can't look, is it over yet?
I can't look, is it over yet?

I didn't know I could scream so loud you'd have thought that glass would break
like people shatter at certain frequencies of thought or the amplitude of fear
but the equation's awfully simple, two went in, one came out, that's all

Nothing hurts till the next day
I tripped on your purse and fell down the stairs
the taxi driver saw the blood on my mouth and said, love shouldn't hurt
love shouldn't hurt, and everything hurt
until today I woke to springtime birds and my distant dream of you
I could hear, I was still saying to you
Don't walk down that hallway
I could hear I was still saying to you
Saying, Don't open that door
then quieter, quietly,
I'm right behind you, dear
Right behind you, here

Sometimes I wake up crying
And I don't remember why
Oh, there's too much space in this bed
And I'll never wake up next to you again
It would never happen to me again

Don't do it!

I should have made you swear, I should have made you believe me
I should have made you swear, I should have made you believe me

Don't do it!

Don't-

It would never happen to me again.
Track Name: Amsterdam
It could have been Amsterdam or his hometown
it could have been anywhere but it wasn't
that first grey night he followed the neon sign and stepped inside
and there she gave him one shy smile and stepped away and that was all it took
and that was all it took

he began to calculate, he began to memorize his excuses
began to deviate from the path he'd chosen long ago
and everything had had lost its value in his mind already
it's going to cost you all you have
the loving wife and the happy home
you're going to lose it, lose it all
because, because you want it
don't even open your mouth to deny it
can't you see I already know all about you
since you walked in the door, I knew, I knew
and you know, you know you want it
from the first moment he saw her he was caught in the perfume and red lights
now you might as well kill yourself to escape
but even when you're dead there's no sleep no dreams
no sleep no dreams
your eyes don't see the scars the scared
it's just red lights and skin
and you know, you know you want it
it's going to cost you everything you have
but you'll never have it
and what you get, you pay by the minute
but still, but still you want it
when you're tasting the dust of the dead
when your memories have dissolved
there's still longing for her
and there's never answering
there's no hope in death, no hope at all

you're going to die, you're going to die
I'm going to fucking kill you!
I hate you- why don't you love me?
Why don't you put a fucking gun in your mouth?
Track Name: The Happy Song
The day the wolves came it was quiet for awhile
And I don't want to talk about it
It reminds me of the time
I saw her heel in his lap and I knew
I said stop, I don't want to know her name
I don't want to know her name

The day the wolves came it was quiet for awhile
That winter was so hard
remember how my teeth turned blue
there was nothing for the children
And then they were gone
And I wish I didn't remember
I wish I didn't know
but there's no way to forget
There is no way to forget
The day the wolves came it was quiet for awhile
I wish I didn't know
but there's no way to forget
there is no way to forget
And they were gone
Track Name: Never Turn Your Back on the Ocean
It were a sad sight to see you there on the floor
and myself beside you
and the worst part of it was, you don't even remember
you don't even remember, and I won't say it

the first hot days this year recall last summer
it was too hot to sleep but not too hot to sleep with you
there was time without end and habits I couldn't break like loving you
I said, I swear it's the last time
I said, I swear it's the last time
I said, I need another lover who'll keep me from you
I said, I wish he'd die because I can't say no and it never ends
and I was always saying, do you remember last night?
do you remember last night?
Well, do you? Do you?

He looked out of the dream and said, "Trouble, it's been a long time."
It's been a long time since anyone called me Trouble
it's not been that long
and someone said you were talking about me still saying,
"Where's Trouble been? Who's she been with?"
And they said watching you think was like a train wreck with no survivors
and I said, there is less than nothing to worry about
There is less than nothing to worry about.

That summer there was no end to things going
places I'd rather not be
and people I was till I met you
Things going bad and getting worse
there was a piece of paper, all it said was,
my life is starting to hurt.
It's starting to hurt.
Track Name: 10 Day March
And the ten day march through the ice fields
searching for your hidden heart
I'm snow blind but in my mind
it's springtime in your garden
like a flower bursting, I'm like flower bursting

I found the snow-covered flags to your house
broke the ice off the lock and opened the door
the note on the table said, "Won't be back again."

I guess it's already time to go home.
I guess it's already time to go home.

And the ten day march through the ice fields
thinking about, something- how the time before you told me
by getting worse every week
but still I feel, daffodils and thorns
waiting to unwind
---and light, springtime on my mind
like a flower bursting
I'm like a flower bursting
like a flower bursting
I'm like a flower bursting
Track Name: b + r
I heard they turned you away at the hospital
and kept you away because you weren't married
hush, that was a choice
hush hush, well, that was a choice
she said she cracked. she said she was afraid of you.
when she called me, I wasn't sure if you knew
I didn't know what could have happened, if I had, of course- I would
you could have but you didn't. I didn't know, oh oh oh
you could have but you didn't. I didn't know, oh oh oh

oh no

Five years, oh dear, five years
five years, oh dear, five years
almost as good though, is that a yes or a no?
oh no, oh no oh oh
oh no
you could have but you didn't. I didn't know oh oh oh
you could have but you didn't.

she may have been a fool but you were something worse
she may have been a fool but you were something worse
what kind of woman does it take to make an honest man of you
what kind of woman does it take to make an honest man of you
you could have but you didn't. I didn't know, oh oh
you could have but you didn't. I didn't know
Track Name: I already know
but darling, sweetness, if you'd cared, I'd have been there for sure

I've been walking around without glasses
I wear glasses most of the time, so when I don't wear glasses, it feels funny
my sister took my glasses and my hat and walks around saying she's me
and I catch myself reflected in the window
with naked round eyes like a stranger in Paris
like tarts I've known regardless of age or desperation, eyes wide and round
like the first day of kindergarten

if you'd card, I'd have been there for sure
I know that no answer means no, but I keep asking
a slow learning curve, I guess
I already know
I know that no answer means no, but I keep asking
I already know
I already know
Track Name: Survivor Syndrome
If heavens forsake us
If heavens forsake us
let God save your name
there was no time
my dear was taken

pity, 'twas such a wee thing
and sorry that my eyes still see
and curse all of you here who still surround me
there was no time
I heard you almost died
like an angel in flight
I should have fallen from the sky
armed and girt with light
but all my fond dreams, ruptured and burst wide
I've got a gun, sweet one,
show me the way.
I've got a gun, sweet one,
lead the way.
Track Name: The Aging Courtesan
It's true, some things I did do
Unnecessarily cruel. I never did them to you
Yet it all comes back with quiet hopelessness
You'll either kiss me or you won't.
You'll either love me or you don't
I shouldn't be here, alone and waiting for you.

I should have known
it was the specialty of the house
such casual damage
Causeless disasters were my fault.
But toy with me or destroy me
it's your choice
play with me, just stay with me you-
you're not saying it back
you're not saying it back.

I'd never have known
I'd never have known
late night discoveries
I'd never have known
it's like falling down the stairs again.
I'd never have known.
It's a hard drive through a long night
It's a hard drive through a long night without stars
Without stars
Without you.
Without you.